There Really Is No Place Like Home!

Just wanted to let you know that Mom and I made it home safe and sound yesterday evening around 5 pm! It's still kind of surreal that I'm finally home in my own house, with Nathan, in Baker. When I first got home, I had Nathan show me around all the improvements on the house that I hadn't seen in person and then I just laid down on my bed and took it all in. Speaking of bed, I slept like a log last night! Only had to turn over twice instead of once an hour! My mind has also started to relax for the first time since our Boise appointment, which means my body is starting to relax also...yay for less aches and pains!

Not long after I got home, 5 weeks of suppressed nesting instinct came rushing toward the forefront. So my mom and I started organizing things in the nursery while Nathan ran to the store for dinner stuff. After dinner, we all started putting things together, taking out the mass of boxes and garbage, and putting the nursery together. My main job was sitting in a chair, pulling tags off of clothes and blankets, and organizing the drawers in our new canvas drawer...tower...things. By the end of the night, we had the nursery set up and only lacking some decorations and the clothes still in the wash. Yay! I'll post pictures soon!

Today will consist of us relaxing a bit, working some on paring down what is still left sitting in the living room from the kitchen remodel, and...eh, that's as far as I'm going to plan. I'm sure we'll eat somewhere in there. Beyond that, I'm just overwhelmingly happy to be home.

YEEEEHAAAW!

As you may or may not have guessed from the title of this post...I GET TO GO HOME!!!!!

Yes, against all odds, my doctor has ok'd me going home. I didn't even have to beg, plead, or wheedle. I think all of us (me, Nathan, my parents, Jan) had prepared ourselves for the disappointment of me having to stay in Portland for the next month or two. But instead, my mom is currently packing up all my stuff while I write this. Poor woman.

When we got to the doctor's office, Dr. Jenkins first did the fibronectin test....highly uncomfortable, I must say. But at least it didn't take long! Then we had both an internal ultrasound and another growth ultrasound for the boys. Wade, the ultrasound tech who worked with us today, did an AMAZING job! We got to see really clear pictures of Levi's face, which was just breath-taking. So lots of great pictures to share, even two 3D ones! That will be a project for me for next week...at home...hee hee.

Everything about the boys looked good. Good fluid around them, good heart beats, and especially good growth! Levi is now measuring at 2 lbs 11 oz and Asher at 2 lbs 12 oz. That means they've both gained 11 oz...a little over an ounce a day! Crazy. That's 5 lbs 7 oz of baby floating around in my tummy. No wonder my tummy muscles are screaming at me!

Anyway, unfortunately my cervix measured really short again. Less than 2 cm. As soon as I saw that, I knew I wasn't going home. We got done with the ultrasound stuff and were just waiting for Dr. Jenkins to come talk to us when another of the doctors in the practice, Dr. Coleman, came in. Let me just preface this by saying that I have been less than impressed with Coleman from the first time I talked with him. No idea why the man came in. He just sat down and said "The fluid around the babies looks ok, their growth looks ok (he has a talent for understatement), but your cervix is really short. Did you bring a toothbrush?"

"So does that mean you're throwing me in the hospital?", I asked.

"I'll let you argue with Dr. Jenkins about that.", he replied as he got up and walked out of the room.

What the.....?!?! What was the point of all that?

Finally Dr. Jenkins came in and asked me why I had such a long face. At this point I was trying not to cry, faced with not only probably staying in Portland but also possibly getting put in the hospital. But he didn't seem as concerned as Dr. Coleman led me to believe he would be. He got the result from the fibronectin test from the nurse and it was NEGATIVE! I'm not ashamed to admit that I threw my hands in the air and let out a "WOOHOO!" At which point Dr. Jenkins said that he thought I was good to go home. Both Mom and I just stared at him for a couple of seconds before I asked him if he was serious. I don't think either of us really believed him at first.

Basically, he said that the short cervix was just one piece of the puzzle, plus we really have no way of knowing what "normal length" is for me. With a negative result on the fibronectin test, there's less than 1% chance that I will go into labor in the next two weeks. Plus I haven't been having contractions. All those things combined means that Jenkins was more than ok with sending me home. Now it's just a matter of finding out if I can get a fibronectin test done every two weeks in Baker or if I have to go to Boise for that.

Well, Mom already has most of my stuff packed in the truck (she's a rockstar) and I'm still trying to process that tomorrow night I will be sleeping in my own bed, in my own house, next to my husband. That I'll get to see Nathan every day. That, in itself, is the most exciting part.

Thank you, Lord, for taking care of our family. And thank you to everyone else for your prayers and support!

28 weeks!!!

Well, we made it! Today we are 28 weeks along. 7 months.

The fact that we have made it 5 weeks and 1 day further than when I was first put on bed rest, and that the boys are still inside of me, is a blessing. A huge blessing.

Now there are only 4 hours before my doctor's appointment. Please be praying for a calming of my nervousness and that I'll have peace about whatever decision the doctor comes to.

I'll post about the appointment as soon as I'm able to.

Answer to Prayer

In an earlier post, I mentioned that one of our concerns about me being on bedrest was the limited amount of paid leave hours I had accrued, and that my boss was working on the possibility of getting donated leave time hours from other county employees.

Well, today I got an email from my boss saying that they had already gotten a pay period's worth of donated hours. That's 86 hours donated since last Thursday or Friday! Not only that, but he's expecting more. Wow!

A lot of times in the morning, during that time between asleep and really awake, I worry. About money, about the boys, about a lot of things. And it doesn't help that the third trimester aches and pains have set in with a vengeance....I mean, I can barely get out of bed without whimpering through the whole process. This particular morning, I was worrying about our boys coming early (as in, what would happen if they came in the next couple of weeks) and how much they would have to go through medically, both directly after the birth and for the rest of their lives. Reading about the possible effects of prematurity doesn't help, that's for sure.

So I started praying, asking God to watch over our boys, to help them if they come really early, because quite frankly I was thinking my body is simply not made to carry two babies. Now I'm not normally one of those people who hears the voice of God. In fact, I think I can say that this is the clearest I've ever heard Him. And all He said was, "Who created your body? Who is creating these children inside of you? And when do I make mistakes?"

You don't. I know that, and yet...why am I going through this?

"Trust me."

But what if I put my complete trust in You to take care of us and things just keep getting worse? That will hurt. And what if I put my complete trust in You, and then Your plan for us is different from what I so desperately want? That will be incredibly hard to accept.

"Will you trust me?"

And so the struggle goes. I want so badly to put all of my trust in Him, to give Him the reins but that would mean giving up all of the control that I like to think I still have over this situation. Right now if I just pray enough, if I research enough, if I think enough positive thoughts, if I take good enough care of myself, then things will turn out for the best, right? And yet...since when have I EVER been in control, truly? Or rather, since when has me being in control ever turned out as good as when God is in control?

And so there it is...I know in my mind that giving up the last bit of my "control" will bring me nothing but peace. I know God will take care of our family. Now I just have to convince my heart of the same thing. It's like holding on to the edge of a cliff by your finger tips, ignoring the fact that the pain of holding on can end as soon as you trust that the arms below you will provide a safe and soft landing. Mentally, you know they will. But something still screams to hold on, to distrust the safety those arms offer.

I give up. I let go. Lord, before these babies were mine and Nathan's, they were Yours. And always will be. I give you the reins, I'm tired of hanging on to the cliff by the tips of my fingers. Not mine, but Your will be done. I'm not saying that I will not be disappointed if I don't get to go home after my appointment on Thursday, that it won't hurt and that I won't cry. But I will do my best to know that You have a bigger plan and trust You to meet me where I am.

After all, You're taking care of something as small as my paid leave hours.

New Trim!

Over Labor Day weekend, Nathan's Dad, Ger, went over to Baker and helped Nathan put the new trim up throughout the house. As always, I'm amazed with how much they got done in the short amount of time they had! If I am remembering correctly, there are only a couple of things to do; trim and new window sills on 7 windows (3 are already done), a little touch-up paint here and there, and then putting white caulk on all the joints and nail holes. Other than that, all the baseboard is done, all the doorways are framed out, and three of the windows have trim and new fancy window sills!

The photos are on our Picasa online album under Remodel 2008. They're all at the end of the album. As always, the link is in the right hand column over there. --------->

Enjoy!

Ultrasounds

Ok, I finally broke down and just took photos of a few of the ultrasounds we haven't posted yet. The first three are from clear back on 7/30/08 in Boise when the boys were 22 weeks 6 days, but they're just too darn cute! The last two are from my last appointment on the 28th, when the boys were 27 weeks. No good profiles during the last appointment, but a couple of cute ones none the less. Please excuse the flash spots.

Levi's profile, 22 weeks 6 days

Asher's profile, 22 weeks 6 days

Both of Asher's feet together, toes pointing to the right. 22 weeks 6 days

Levi's legs stretched straight out, feet to the left, butt to the right. 27 weeks

The boys' heads together at 27 weeks. They've primarily had their heads together from the very first ultrasound...I hope that means they're going to be best friends. Asher on the left, Levi on the right.

September!!!!!!

Yes, I am just THAT excited about it being September. First, it is starting to feel like fall outside...and to a woman carrying twins and experiencing a perpetual body temperature increase, this is welcome news indeed! I love that I'm no longer sweating at night! Second, it means that we got through August. I've officially been on bed rest for 32 days. In some ways, it has gone by surprisingly fast. In other ways, I can see the not-so-great effect of those 32 days on me, both mentally and emotionally, which makes those 32 days seem very very long.

But that also means that our boys are a month further along. What a huge blessing! Yes, if they were to be born today they would probably have some problems and would have to stay in NICU for quite a while....but they would also likely live. A month ago, we couldn't have said that.

I have to admit, I'm very nervous about my appointment on Thursday. A lot is riding on what they find, a lot of my hopes and prayers. The more I think about it, the more I have to admit that really what is making me so desperately want home is just wanting to be with Nathan. I'm not nearly as strong when I don't have him by me. I don't remember the last time I felt like I was missing something so huge in my life. I mean, this is one of the biggest things to happen to us, and we're not even together to share it. Ok God, I get it...Nathan and I need to lean on each other more than we have been wont to in the past. Lesson thoroughly and 100% learned. Now something's gotta give.

Thankfully, my mom is coming up on Wednesday because she wants to take me to my appointment on Thursday. My mom is one of the two or three people in the world who I feel comfortable letting my emotions show in front of...and I have a feeling I'm going to need that. I'm also horrible at asking for help and letting people take care of me. I hate imposing on people and always feel guilty about asking them to go out of their way for me. Believe it or not, I've just recently gotten to the point where I can let Nathan take care of me. But with my mom it's different...she's taken care of me my entire life. So having her here at this time is going to be an answer to prayer, because if I can't go home I'm going to need to be able to do all those things that I usually can't do with anyone else.

In baby news, both of the boys have been incredibly active these days, especially when I lay down at night to go to sleep. I felt Levi hiccuping for the first time while we were at church on Saturday night. After he had them for about 10 minutes, Asher then got them, so the boys were having dueling hiccups. I had a hard time keeping myself from giggling out loud. Now they both have hiccups on a regular basis...sorry boys, you got it from mommy!

Also at church, we saw 8 month old identical twin boys and my oh my were they ADORABLE! We started talking to their parents and found out that they're actually in the process of adopting the boys, which is just awesome. I always admire people who are willing to take both twins so that they aren't separated. Seeing the twins made my heart beat faster...it was like looking at my near future! I'm still not letting myself get impatient about meeting our boys because I know they need to stay inside for a while longer, but when I let myself think about it, I can't wait to meet them, see what they look like, who they most resemble (mom or dad), and fall completely and madly in love with them.

Only 3 more days until we're 28 weeks (7 months!) and 4 more days until I get to see Nathan!!!