Happy

I've decided that life is very, very good.

Nathan and I are having a blast gradually working on the house. I may be able to get the guest bedroom fully painted today, which is exciting. The paint is a bit more green than I expected, but it's growing on me. I'll post pictures when I'm done. Painting the trim and door white makes all of the trim and the door look brand new, so we're planning on painting the rest of the trim/doors in the house that color, except for the front room (which is getting new trim) and the bathroom (which will be a dark tan to match the light tan that we're painting the walls). Nathan is working on getting all of the switches and outlets switched out. I think he only has a couple more rooms to go upstairs. We're also gradually replacing the hideous 70's style light fixtures and the gold door knobs...gold fixtures/hardware make me shudder. When we first moved in, we were thoroughly overwhelmed by all the things that we needed/wanted to do to the house. But the more we do, the more we realize that it's a process to enjoy and that we don't need to get it all done NOW. So we are having fun.

Work is going well, as far as I'm concerned. And I've come to a very happy conclusion. All my life, I've been brought up to have huge goals and expect amazing things from myself. First it was to become a dentist. Then I decided I wanted to be a doctor instead. Ever since I decided that medicine wasn't for me during my freshman year of college, and became a theatre major instead, I felt like I was letting myself and everyone else down. Especially my parents. So I keep trying to push myself to do bigger and better things, which never made me happy. Yet I still always felt like I was letting everyone down. But I've decided to stop. Stop feeling like I have to be in a better place than I am now. Stop feeling like I'm letting people down because I'm not a doctor/dentist/whatever I feel like they expect me to be. I've decided that everyone else is just fine with where I am now, and that I can feel free to be ok with were I am as well. This may sound like a fairly simple idea and one that I should have come to a long time ago, but it's a huge relief and it makes me happy and relaxed in a way I haven't been a very long time.

No more dwelling on "what could have been, should have been, might have been". I have an amazing husband who loves me, takes care of me, and makes me laugh. I own a fun house that we're working on fixing up and making our own. I live in a great town where we feel like we can raise our kids without too much fear. I have great friends who don't hate me for my freaky schedule and the fact that I go MIA when I'm on graveyard shift, who are happy to welcome me back when I stop being night owl. I have a halarious dog who keeps us entertained and is just happy to be as close as possible to us. My family is amazing. We have our health. We don't make a ton of money, but we're comfortable.

My life isn't outstanding, or phenominal, or life-changing. But it's good. Very very good.