I just had to share this because it's so incredibly true! It was left on our desk at work, no idea who brought/wrote it.
Move here at your own peril, city-folk!
Welcome to Baker County
If you're gonna live here, know this:
1. Ditch the dockers, this is Wrangler country.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. It's called a gravel road. No matter how slow you drive you're gonna get dust on your rig. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They're called cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Don't like it? I-84 goes east and west...pick a direction.
5. So you have $70,000 Hummer. We're not impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. Every person here waves. Two fingers if they aren't sure if they know you, the whole hand if they do. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If your cell phone rings when a bunch of birds are coming in we will shoot it out of your hand and you'd better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait and tackle counter.
9. The "opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday.
10. We open doors for women, all women, regardless of age.
11. There is no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order a chef's salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
12. If you bring "coke" into my house it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. If you bring "Mary Jane" into my house she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High school baseball, basketball, and football are as important as the Dodgers and Lakers and a lot more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have a golf course. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? We have em close by...the kids come out with an education plus a love of God and country. And they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
16. We have lots of locals in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you'll be whipped by the best.
17. Turn down that blasted car stereo. That thumpity-thump crap ain't music anyway.
18. When we eat there are three main dishes - meats, vegetables, and bread. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
19. Want to piss off the locals? Tell em how you use to do it where you came from.
20. Want to piss em off even more. Tell em you're from California.