Friday, October 31, 2008

Mommy Moment

It's 2 am, and I'm awake. Still. Granted, I slept pretty much all day yesterday between feedings. I'm starting to feel like I'm back on graveyard shift. Thankfully, I'm starting to get tired, especially since I have to be up for the 7 am feeding...Nathan, bless his heart, is taking the 4 am feeding. We're staying in one of the NICU rooms again tonight in order to do another 24 hours of being at every feeding, so we'll see how that goes. So far we're 2 feedings down, both nursing, and both of the boys' have taken full feeds (and then some).

The Patient Care Consultant that I talked to the other day said that one day we'll just see a light come on with the boys and they will suddenly start feeding it getting my hopes up to think that maybe that's happening? Keep your fingers crossed for us. Oh, and I think the boys are trying to tell us that they're ready to go home...Levi has had his feeding tube pulled out twice today; once by himself and once by his oh-so-helpful brother. I think it means they've decided they don't need them anymore...right?

When I got done nursing the boys at 1:30 this morning, I had a big-time mommy moment. It was something so simple yet it almost brought me to tears, in a happy way. The nurse had put Asher back in the crib for me (kind of hard to put one baby in the crib by yourself when you're holding both of them) and when I stood up with Levi in my arms, he woke up and started getting incredibly fussy. So I put him up to my shoulder, gave him a binkie (he can't fall asleep without sucking on something) and just started swaying from side to side while softly humming to him. A few moments later, he was curled up under my chin, sound asleep with his arms holding me back (as much as a tiny baby can). And it hit me...I know my baby well enough to give him what he needs to feel happy and safe. I'm a mom. The precious burden in my arms is a gift from God for Nathan and I to love and nurture and I've been given the ability to do just that. Wow.

I really can't put into words how these boys make me feel. Blessed is a good place to start, I think.


Arly said...

YAY for the full feeds so far!

And YAYAYAYAY for the mommy moment!!

Janis said...

What the nurse said is so true! I have seen it happen so many times, one day they just seem to "get it" and take off! I am praying it is today.