Slow Down!

My boys, my sweet little babies, are 3 months old today. This morning, after I got home from work, I walking into their nursery where they were both sleeping peacefully in their crib and just stared at them. As hard as it was, I didn't pick them up, but I couldn't help but marvel at the fact that only three months ago, these two tiny people were inside of me. Nathan and I made them, they are a part of us, and I nurished and grew them in my own body. If that isn't a miracle, I don't know what is.

And as much as I'm looking forward to the time when they can walk, talk, and play with us, they need to STOP GROWING!!! It's already hard enough to know that the end of my nursing days are at hand, because I don't know if I'll be able to pump when I go back onto day shift starting in January, it's simply too busy all day long. That alone makes me want to cry. There's just something so sweet about that time that I get with the boys, something that bottle feeding doesn't even come close to touching. So please, can't we make time stand still, just for a little while longer? Can't I keep the kissable fingers, the tiny size perfect for snuggling in my arms, the sweet cooing noises, the baby smell? Pretty please?

I don't know what it is, but for some reason this weekend has been the hardest time I've had being away from the boys. All I want is to stay home and hold them, and it's killing me that I can't. Thankfully, after tonight's shift I have the next four days off, which I need, an emotional need that I feel so strongly that it has almost become physical. Only 10 1/2 hours until that time begins, and you'd better believe that I'm counting down.