Saturday, March 21, 2009

6 Months Ago Today

Six months ago, at this time, I think I had probably just arrived at St. Luke's in Boise via life flight, was highly doped up on magnesium, and was just about to or had just finished laughing in Dr. Lee's face when he told me he wanted to try keeping the boys inside me for another 24 hours to let the steroids take effect. Listen buddy, you have me on the highest dose of magnesium allowed and yet my contractions are getting stronger and closer together...please, check to see how dilated I am. Be my guest. What's that? 2 cm further dilated than an hour ago? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Six months ago, in only half an hour, I was laying flat on my back on the operating table, spinal in place (oh what a glorious feeling), happy as a clam because a) I no longer had that non-stop pressure on my stomach and diaphram from having waaaay too much in my tummy and b) I was no longer feeling the contractions. I had no clue what was going on south of the equator, I was just having a grand ol' time chatting up the anesthesiologist, asking if he had heard that hops was good for milk production. Don't blame me, blame the magnesium. And the lack of sleep. After all, I had been up for about 22 hours straight, no sleep what so ever. As far as I was concerned, all that tugging and pushing and pulling going on in my stomach region was just them examining me from every angle, to determine the best place to cut. I had NO idea the cutting had already taken place.

Six months ago, in just 58 minutes, Levi was born. And oh, how sweet his first cry sounded. It didn't occur to me to worry until Nathan said, "Here comes the first one" and I realized that meant my first son was being born, 10 weeks early, and we had no idea what shape he was in. At that first cry, I felt the tears start...ok, they came as close to starting as they possibly could have while I was in my highly drugged up and slightly delusional state. But that moment changed my life forever. And it meant that my baby was strong enough to cry.

Six months ago, in just 56 minutes (yes, time is moving, try to keep up), Asher was born. Again, a first cry, again the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. This time Nathan got to bring Asher over for me to see...he was so tiny, but I didn't notice that. I just noticed how perfect he was. I wanted to hold him so badly, but Nathan had to give him to the NICU team. And then they were gone, Levi, Asher, and Nathan, whisked away to the NICU for some TLC. And I don't remember anything else until my parents showed up in the recovery room...that's not to say I slept, I just was too out of it to remember anything. I remember Nathan coming in to say hi, looking worried but assuring me that the boys were ok. He definitely got the brunt of everything in those first hours, as the magnesium was saving me from being anything but totally and 100% relaxed.

After that, the nurse in the recovery room told me that I couldn't go see the boys until I could move my legs (which were still numb numb numb from the spinal), at which point I started working like crazy to move those dead weights. FINALLY I could go see my boys before they wheeled me into my room on the maternity floor. I honestly don't remember much, including how they got my bed into the boys' NICU room. I think I got to touch them, or at least one of them. At this point I'm not sure if it was the magnesium, the exhaustion, or the shock of seeing just how tiny my babies were that made my mind go blank...probably a combo of all three. Then it was off to my room to sleep...which I'm amazed I was able to do. Then again, maybe it's not so amazing. By that point I had definitely been up for over 24 hours and had gone through major surgery.

By the way, have I ever mentioned that recovering from a c section is NOT fun? Because it's not. The incision soreness, the catheter, the HUGELY swollen legs, the walking like an old woman from a combo of all of those things. Ugg. Yeah, I think I'm done having children.

But for the sake of the past six months, it was all worth it.

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