Contentment

There is so much in our life that is up in the air these days, some of which I can't really write about yet. There's uncertainty about jobs, about the economy, about our new President, the list goes on. And yet, despite all of that, I am more content where I sit now than I ever remember being in my entire life.

When I found out that I was pregnant, I had a few days where I mourned my carefree lifestyle. Yes, we had planned to get pregnant, but I don't think I had really realized what becoming a parent meant. After all, I had graduated from high school, went to college, met Nathan, graduated from college, got married two weeks later, and moved back to Baker to be with Marla. Who then left us her house. And here we are. Thanks to my parents' love of traveling, I've been many different places, several of which aren't exactly on your list of "Top 10 Places to Visit Before You Die" and yet have turned out to be amazing adventures. And yet, in my entire life, I've lived in three places; Elgin Oregon (current pop. 1,654), Baker City Oregon (current pop. around 10,000) and Forest Grove Oregon. I felt I still had some wild oats to sow, that I wasn't quite ready to give up the fun I had in my college days. I feared that I would resent the restriction becoming a mother would put on me.

And yet....I don't miss any of it. I love being a mom to my sons, a wife to Nathan. More than I possibly could express, more than I possibly could have imagined.

As for the rest of the things going on in our life, I've discovered that I am happy to wait on God. Whatever he brings our way can only be a hundred times better than any plan Nathan and I could cook up. Not to say that we are sitting idly by waiting for something to drop into our laps, but we are content in the knowledge that if it is meant to be, God will open the door. And if it is not meant to be, that door will close and something even better will come along. What a great way to live life. What a weight off of my shoulders.

I've had several times in the past few months, especially since the election, when I've been tempted to allow myself to get pulled into the discontent, or better yet, the hatred that has seized so many people. On a daily basis, I am faced with people who bring their children along on drug runs, men who rape women, drunks driving down the street, abuse, addictions...it's a pestilence. I see people losing their jobs to downsizing, a government spending more than it has in centuries despite being ridiculously in debt.

And yet.....it brings me a sort of peace, if I allow myself to remember one thing.

God is coming.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and declare that I believe that we live in the End Times. Scoff if you will, but I just don't see where our world can go from here. We, as humans, can't make it better. Any attempt we've made on our own has failed, dismally. I could lie and say that I wish that weren't the case, but, yep, it would be a lie. I long for that day, the day when the end of all the pain, the hate, the evil in the world will begin.

You may argue that there are great leaps being made to improve our world. Tell me, why has drug use risen exponentially? Why are we treating human life as if it were our play thing? I saw a blurb on the news the other day about being able to design your baby. Have we become so full of ourselves that we think we have the choice, nay, the right to take creation into our own hands. It's sickening. Our world is broken. Humans are broken. And we can't fix ourselves. Only God can.

Call me a conservative, call me intolerant if you will, but I'm done being luke-warm.