Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Denial Denied

I'm embarassed.

First of all, let me start this post with a disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Ever since having the boys, I am overly emotional when it comes to sentimental things. Lost puppies, small children crying...heck, even mildly sentimental commercials get me going. So needless to say, last night was doomed to be a tear jerker.

Last night was my final club at Baker City Young Life.

I think I've been in denial about actually leaving Baker. Yes, it's been the biggest thing looming in our lives for a few months now, but the actual leaving part is still such a fluid thing. We really don't know when we'll be leaving (besides having to be out of the house no later than June 29th) and we have no idea where we're going. As a result, I've managed to avoid any sort of goodbyes...until now.

Last night I had to say goodbye to my Young Life kids that I've been developing relationships with for three years now. I don't get to stick around to see most of my girls graduate because most of them are either sophomores or juniors. I had to say goodbye to some of my Young Life co-leaders, who have become like an extended family despite not really seeing each other much outside of YL activities. One of my co-leaders, Beth, pulled myself and two other leaders who are leaving up to the front of the club house last night and told all of the kids that we were leaving.

Here's the problem. She pulled Chris and Teresa up first. I thought maybe I had gotten off the hook, which was kind of a relief because I was already starting to tear up over her (admittedly funny) goodbye to those two. I told you, the water works kicks on easily these days! But no, next Beth called me up. Oh man. Before I got half way from the back of the club house to the front, I was already fighting my hardest to not cry.

Now, if you don't know me very well, let me tell you a little about myself as a cryer. It isn't pretty. Especially when I'm fighting it. My face contorts, my nose starts running, my eyes get red, my face gets blotchy, and when the tears start it's like a freakin' waterfall. Oy. Then Beth has to put her arm around me and start saying nice things. Double oy. Beth, I love you dearly but why did you have to be so nice?!?!

Needless to say, it was embarassing. And there was nothing I could do but stand there, blubbler in front of all of my Young Life kids, and then beat a hasty retreat to the office as soon as possible. Granted, it did crack me up when several of the senior boys came up and gave me a group hug...unfortunately, it was about 90 degrees in the club house and I'm about arm pit level to every single one of those boys.

All this to say...I'm going to miss you guys. So much. This is the club that became family, the leaders that helped me on my path to becoming a Christian, who loved me despite my short comings (that was not a pun by the way), the kids who taught me what it means to look beyond the surface to the person inside, the kids who taught me how to balance being a "grown up" with being a kid at heart. I know I'll get involved with a Young Life club where ever we end up, but they won't be 'home'. I wish I could fully describe what you all have meant to me and my family, but I simply can't.

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